Reflections of a 22 year old

For those of you who didn't hear it; I left my internship at the bank. When I think about it, this has been a hard year for me with regard to career direction. Especially because when I graduated from school, I had all these plans and expectations. But lets just say, God was probably having a good laugh at my smooth sailing plan.

The internship was not a good fit for me. The constant crying, not growing, being frustrated, not learning. Every morning I got up, I prayed it would get better, because that's what they all said. But it became worse. One of the words of encouragement that i got over and over again was "Most of us are unhappy at our places of work, but we stick it out because its what we have to do". I guess I must be weaker than most because I just couldnt wake up every day in order to die for 8 hours and resurrect at 5pm. That was weighing me down. At the end of my first phase of the internship I decided to not stay on.

For me the struggle has been that I have different aspirations and goals. From the motivational speeches I would get while at the bank people would say "This is how CEOs started, work was hard for them too but they started small". I'd be thinking to myself that that's true, but what if I don't want to be a CEO? What if I want to be an entrepreneur who part time lecturers and stays home with her kids? Perhaps I'd have been more driven to put up with what was coming my way if I saw it as a means to an end. But I didn't. But then again what if I'm just lost and I really don't know what I want to do with my life. What if it's not in the Lords plan that I get married and have kids? What if I'm just a lost 22year old who doesn't know what she wants with her life? I am sure that is what most think.

I have spent most of this year taking care of the Baucham kids, that has been a great learning experience for me. It's been a highlight to my challenging year. Some days were hard, especially in the beginning because I went from having zero experience with kids to having 7 little ones. I saw it as a means to an end, I was determined and I've learnt so much in the months I've spent in the Bauchams home. I've been saving during the year because I would like to do my graduate studies next year. Saving money, buying different products and reselling them to make profit and get some entrepreneurial skills going.

Here I am today, writing this after crying on the bathroom floor cause y'all who know me know tears are never out of reach. It's almost the end of 2016. I feel lost. Over a year after graduation. Im not working towards becoming a CEO, I had the opportunity but I didn't want it. It's been hard knowing that the people who expect me to do 'more with my life' are clearly disappointed in me, it's evident in the way they disapprovingly look at me and in their speech. Most think little of my life decisions and I don't blame them. That's been hard.

It looks like school will not be happening next year. That is something I looked forward to all year. My decisions throughout the year were made with doing graduate school in 2017. I feel undone. I am the kind of person who always needs something to work towards. I am now panicking, wondering what next.

If like me, you feel lost too; maybe because you have different aspirations from your cultural norm and adults or loved ones expectations, unfortunately, I have no mountain moving advice. I wrote this to let you know that you're not alone. Just trust in God. Be grateful and faithful in the season you are in. Take a day at a time and see where it goes while you're on this earthly journey heavenwards.

You Got Your First Job...Now What?

After 4 months of debating whether or not to write this blog post, here I am. I finally decided to write something about my first office job. A few days ago, I was having a catch up session with my friend, Katongo. During our chat I asked her how school is going and she responded by saying, ‘It is so frustrating. I want to work like you”. 

Lets backup a little bit. I was in school not too long ago and I remember looking at people who work while thinking to myself; Ah! Now that’s the life! I was so envious of them because all I imagined was a perfect life as long as I get any job. I never imagined frustrations commuting every day, not having friends, a difficult boss, not finding fulfillment in your job description, being discontent with your pay or the lack thereof etc. In my mind all I pictured was; no assignments and tests, fancy work clothes, loads of friends to hang out with, loving what you do at work, having enough money to even send some extra cash to feed hungry children in Somalia.  

Well, I finally got an office job. The gap between expectation and reality when it comes to a first job is unbelievable. That was something I struggled with coming to terms with. I understand that some have had wonderful experiences, nothing but amazing stories about work, bless your heart. I found myself thinking maybe it is just me and everyone is having a grand time because you know, the Facebook posts, tweets and Instagram selfies with their captions say so. After chatting with a few of my friends who are working too, I realized I am not the only one and sharing my experience would not be such a bad idea. 

Firstly, day 1 might not go as you expect. I expected to get back home knackered after my first day of work because of how much work I imagined I would have to do. Well, I spent all of it sitting and trying not to doze off. But do not let that demoralize you because you might do nothing or petty work for the first couple of days. Be faithful with the small tasks, go the extra mile. I sought a lot of advice before I reported for work from people with experience, I was advised to be proactive i.e not sitting around, instead asking if there is anything I can do. I did that and this brings me to my next point.

Not everyone will be as nice as you expect. So, I went to my boss and asked if there was anything I could help with and he was just so mean. There will be those people who will never greet you, never smile at you, ignore you or look at you like you’ve just drunk their last drop of water during a drought. Your colleagues might give you a hard time and you might have a supervisor who does not make work any easy for you. Be sure to not be a pagan and have the ‘an eye for an eye” mentality. Do your part; be nice and kind to your coworkers and supervisors. Pray for grace, trust me you’ll need it. 

Your job might not go as you expect. I expected everything to be laid out for me. A little like an organized structure of my duties, guidance on how to execute my tasks and performance indicators. I lacked that orientation. I did not know what mattered and what did not. No prize for guessing, my ignorance cost me when it was time for my appraisal. Let me be the one to give you a heads up on a few things that might be important; meeting deadlines and achieving tasks, ability to work under pressure and minimum supervision, adaptability, positive attitude, energy, self-confidence, creativity/ innovation, how you relate to colleagues, ethics, dressing etc. 

Fourthly, do not live your life waiting for Friday. We are so obsessed with thanking God its Friday, especially when we dislike what we have to do between Monday and Thursday. When I struggled with enjoying work I lived for Fridays. Every morning I would wake up, I would stick my fingers out and count how many days I had left till the end of the week. I was basically wishing my life away. You have to be the kind of person who can make the best out of a Tuesday. ‘Zombie-ing’ through the week might seem fine today but you will wake up one morning and realize you wasted so many days that could have been meaningful. Make the most of your time, enjoy each and every day the good Lord blesses you with, no matter how crazy what you do may seem.

Last but not least, work life has lots of good days. Treasure them. Thank God for the days you spend bouncing off walls and if it is in your power to have more of them, make sure you do. Do not be too hard on yourself when you make mistakes, you are only human. If you are experiencing a bad day, never forget that a bad day only lasts 24 hours. 

After my experience during my first few months at work, I would like to urge you to enjoy your current season in life. There is a saying; “The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is and the future less resolved than it will be.” Looking back I realize that I constantly rob myself of happiness. I should have enjoyed university when I was in university and not spent most of my time day dreaming about how perfect life will be once I am graduated and working. Embrace your current season of life and maximize your time in it. Pray for grace to live with a spirit of contentment. If you are still doing your studies, embrace that phase and make the most of it. If you are done with school and seeking employment do not spend that time of your life envying those who are working because it seems like the answer to your misery. Look to Jesus for that. The lack of a job does not make you less blessed, it is not the end of the world. You have been blessed with free time, in between the job hunting there is so much that can be achieved and so much to invest in, be a good steward of your time. 

If like me, you feel like you have spent so much time messing up in your current phase of life, every day is a new page. It is never too late to enjoy your current season in life. Rest, wake up, commit the new day into the Lords hands and go and be the best you can be!

Sincerely yours, A University Graduate

After my 4 year experience in University I decided to share some tips that I thought would be helpful to those starting university or college soon as well as those who are already in it.

There are some things 6th February, 2016 Mwape wishes 21st August, 2011 Mwape knew that would have definitely been helpful to me back then when i was starting my university journey.

Firstly, the only constant in University is God. This might seem cliché, I know most people always start with the first point about God but in all honesty from my experience, Paul, in Hebrews 13:8, did know what he meant when he said that the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forevermore. He is the only constant in not only university but life. I have changed in so many ways from the time I came, friends have changed. If only I knew then that I must invest more time and love in the one being that does not change. I wish I knew then that I should hold on to the unchangeable constant; God in such a constantly changing environment. So put him first; read your Bible and pray EVERY DAY.

Secondly, it is okay to not have your life plan set out straight to the smallest detail but it is certainly important to have general direction. I began university when I was only 17 years old. I had no idea what my future plans were and all I knew is I was going to Mulungushi to study Economics. I had hardly researched on what it was about. I just knew saying I wanted to be an Economist sounded nice. After my feel of Micro-economics during my first semester I just didn’t have a connection with it. Thank goodness I found my real love, marketing. I was blessed to have found a career I have a passion for despite not knowing it from the start. Sometimes as you go on you realize things begin to unfold just the way they ought to be despite them not being how you planned it to be.

Thirdly, no, Solomon was not kidding when he said bad habits corrupt good morals. There are rarely, if any exceptions at all. Before I came to university it was just one of those Bible verses and I know so many people did mention it to me, it has only hit home now. I wish I knew that no one is ever really immune to getting influenced to leave the straight path and take what may seem like a joy ride, right into a thorn bush. Sometimes we tend to comfort ourselves by having a very relaxed definition of bad company. A friend was sharing with me what a certain Pastor said about bad company. She said the Bible encourages us to run towards holiness and perseverance, so based on that bad company is the kind of company that does not encourage you to run towards holiness. How I wish I knew that!

Fourthly, Failure is not the end of the world. What matters most is your attitude towards it. Be it academic failure, spiritual failure, failing your parents or even friends. Sometimes a certain experience is the wakeup call one needs. I remember failing one course in 2nd year and it felt like it was going to be the beginning of a failing spree. To my utter surprise it was all the push I needed. I realized I had to work extra harder if that wasn’t gonna happen again. I realized I am human and sometimes I'll fail but I can't just lay there. I need to get up and push harder.

Fifthly, Aim high. Just that; do your best and never ever aim for the lower standard. I am sorry to disappoint you readers but when I got to university I hardly cared about my grades. All I wanted to do was clear. It only hit me in 3rd year when there was some really great offer made by an organization whereby they pay for your fees till the end of your programme and then offer you a job with them in South Africa when you graduate. No prize for guessing what the criteria were for one to be eligible? Good grades! Such an amazing offer but I couldn’t attempt because my transcript was painted with C+’s! If only I knew then what I know now, good grades are important and I did not have to wait for 3rd year when I had to make points for me to realize that. Hard work always pays.

The sixth thing is that it is okay to not be in love when it feels the rest of the world is. When I was younger I always wanted to marry my high school sweetheart, high school came to an end and there I was still alone. And I was like yes! Maybe university? And there I was, going into 4th year not in love. There are times in life when it feels like cupid was feeling generous and he shot his arrows at everyone but you. When you step out of your room on campus you find couples strolling, when you log onto facebook, twitter, whatsapp it is flooded with couple love. Kind of leaves you wondering if something is wrong with you or cupid has something against you or maybe, just maybe, God has something different planned for you. The truth is, we rarely take the latter. God blesses at different times and with different blessing packages. Being alone is not a curse, it is okay to not be in love when everyone else is. As my daddy once told me, “Gods plans for our lives are different for each person. He does not make us like products of a Chinese factory.” I should have known that I needed to remember that he has a plan for me and I had to learn to be content with it.

Guard your heart! If only and if only I knew that not every guy who takes personal interest in you and your wellbeing actually means well for your being. This world is not a playground. The pain that comes with heart break sucks, it’s the kind of pain you don’t know what to do with! Mwape then should have known not to do or say things that will make her expectant and emotionally connected to guys, if I knew this concept it would have saved me a lot of nights that I spent listening to Adele and Taylor Swift. I should have known to save myself for someone who would love me enough to commit.  

Save and live within your means. During a lecture, I remember one of my favourite lecturers said “for as long as you have to borrow to buy, youre living out of your means”. Don’t spend money you don’t have on anything that you do not need. I only realized I should really start saving in my final year, but I certainly wish I did way before.

Have fun! Make sure you do have fun. You don't get to be in University all your life. You will have to graduate. So enjoy your experience. I am not the best person who can give you tips for fun but just remember that... you will have to give an account of your life to God.

Lastly, I wish I knew that Its okay to fail at doing all these things. Every day gives you a new slate; a clean slate. I remember a number of days my friends and I would sulk cause we were behind in school work. Or I sulked because of the days I lived without putting God first. You will certainly fail at some, if not most, if not all of them but dust yourself up, talk to God about it and start a new day refreshed and feeling motivated to try again.