Day 4- Types of Reactions to Break-Up News

Statistics show that 3 out of 3 people have experienced a break up atleast once in their life. My other name is ‘statistics’. Truth be told I was too lazy to find out how many people experience it but I am convinced that everyone has, atleast once in their lifetime. If you haven’t, bless your heart. I pray you never do. If you have experienced it before, you know how unbearable the pain is. My sister and I often laugh about how you don’t know what to do with the pain and you are short of taking yourself to the hospital and requesting that they admit you.

When other people learn of the news, either through gossip or you telling them, there are interesting reactions that one gets. I decided to put some together in this blog post.

Here goes.

1.The Rejoicers

These tend to be the people dear to your heart. They are the ones who you felt comfortable enough to share your relationship journey with. Because they knew some dynamics of your relationship, they may have felt that it was not the best fit for you. When you let them know of your breakup they either let you know straight up that they are happy to hear that. This is where you hear them say things like

“This time never go back”

“Thank goodness you have finally woken up”

“If you ever take him/her back I will never talk to you”

But you also have those who are subtle who pass comments like

“It’s a shame you can never go back”

2. The self-absorbed

There are also those people who are under the impression that they had the right to know first. You know, when you are going through the disappointment of heartbreak, the last thing on your mind is a list of those who you should tell. You are not yourself. You are in pain. Your heart hurts. All you want to do is get through the day for the first couple of days, weeks or months. In the confusion of it all you do not want to speak about it. Then you receive the messages saying “Oh! So you broke up and did not tell me? I thought we were friends?”

“Uhmmm, I’m sorry that I just experienced this huge disappointment and forgot to put informing you above my pain. “

3. The Probbers

Then you have the people who have heard via gossip who message or call you to get you to tell them. They have already heard from somewhere else. I know you are wondering why they contact you so that you can repeat the same news to them, unfortunately, I have no idea either. They have never showed concern for your relationship before and today all of a sudden you recieve that strange message saying;

“Hey! How are you doing? How is your boyfriend?”

I see what you’re trying to do there but if you are not my friend enough to show genuine concern then I’m sorry you need to go back where you from and do better.

 4. Those who do not care

These really hurt right in the feels. These are the ones who are dear to you who you did tell about what you are going through, but never bothered to check on you passed the time you last spoke about the break up.

Let me get this right. Someone is going through a rough time and you do not care enough to check on them despite being fully aware of it? They trusted you enough to open up to you and you can’t be bothered to send a message or call them and just find out how they are doing? Understandably some will get busy with other things going on in their lives but take a second to just let the person know you are thinking of them. That makes a whole lot of a difference.

5. The Ready

A day after you let them know you are going through a breakup they have a fully compiled list of new options for you. It almost feels like they had the list ready before the break up happened.

Jamie from the church conference last year

Chipo from the youth group

Temwani from that sister church

Chikondi who has been your friend for a long time

Hilary from your class

Excuse me? Its barely been a minute since I lost the person I had plans to spend the rest of my life with. If you could just chill that would be nice.

 6. The Angels on Earth

These people are such a breath of fresh air. They contact you to basically talk about anything and nothing because they know that you are probably getting lonely. When you open up about how you are feeling they listen and thoughtfully guide you through your thought process. They message you to just let you know they are praying for you. They call you to just check on you and laugh with you. They may not hear about the break up from you but once they do they are quick to not make it about themselves and see that there is someone in need so how can I help and make the pain less unbearable.

Which of these are you? Break ups are not easy seasons, heart break is so painful. Be mindful to not make light other peoples heartbreak. I cannot emphasize enough how trying break ups are. Be the person who shows genuine concern. Let’s search our hearts and ask God to help us to be the angels on earth.

Day 3- Confessions of a Pastor's Daughter

A question that follows me around quite a lot is, “How does it feel being a pastor's daughter?” I often answer by saying, “I don’t know. It’s all I know, so I have nothing much to compare it to.” In as much as there is so much truth in that, I believe I do have an idea of what my life as a ‘non-pastors’ daughter would look like.

As a young lady I have since come to understand that my father is a man who sacrifices a lot, but it is not often that one gets to know that because he does it without complaint. He is such a cheerful man to the extent that when something is bothering him, when he is tired, or unwell it is easy to tell. He is so friendly, has a great sense of humour, he is a handsome man (kudos to my mother, great taste!), he is ever so generous, wise, the best person to cook a meal for (I have cooked him uncountable meals and there has never been a day that he has not finished his serving) and he is one of my bestest friends. My father is a great man. The most gifted Preacher I know. He is a great example of a godly man. Bless his heart.

When I was born, my father was already serving as Pastor. He is dedicated to his calling as an ambassador of the gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But what did this mean for me? How did this affect my growing up?

Being a pastors daughter meant that I had to share my father with uncountable people. My father has the biggest, most welcoming heart. To the point where he just needs to chill. It’s a good thing till you wake up and realize that we are a little too many in the inner circle. If you are a fellow girl, you probably understand that every now and then it kind of makes you feel like you have no special place in his life and are just a mere person in the crowd with everyone else. 

My father has a pretty serious itinerant ministry. If you follow him on Facebook, you will see that he is almost always on his way somewhere. Growing up, I never liked having him away. I’m pretty much an adult now and I still don’t. My mother is a much bigger woman than I am, she handles his absence like a champ and I am so inspired. His ministry travels and many other callings have sometimes meant missed graduations, many nights without him home, missed birthdays and so much more.. but hey who is counting? 

For the first 19years of my life my family and I lived in the manse. This meant not as much privacy as there was a school running and church staff 5 days a week. I particularly remember the time my oldest brother and I decided to be adventurous. He knew how to drive but he hadn’t got his drivers license yet. I had to go somewhere and he decided that he would take me using mum's car. She wasn’t around. So we drove off and we were so hyped and excited. Before we knew it we were getting a call from dad’s office assistant summoning us to take the car back. So basically, the gardener ran to her to tell her we had left with mum’s car, she called mum and mum told her we didn’t have permission and she called us back home. As they say, the rest was history. Oh! The joys of living on church premises! 

To make it seem like it was such a nightmare would be unfair of me. Through my father’s ministry, both home and pulpit, I have grown spiritually. I have been blessed to be raised in a home with the Bible as my life guide. I have met amazing people of whom some have since become dear to me. There is always a theologian on call. I get free counseling from the wisest man on earth. Also, goodies when he travels!

The truth of the matter is, on this earth everything comes secondary to putting God first. The reasons why having a father for a pastor has been challenging to me is that it has taken certain comforts in this life away from me. Is sacrificing these comforts for the sake of my Savior the Lord Jesus Christ worth it? Yes. Do I wish my father was around more? Yes. Do I wish his life wasn’t so crowded? Yes. Do I wish I grew up in a fenced yard with more privacy? Yes. Often times I focus so much on what I am missing or missed out on but each time I look at the bigger picture, I am left glad to be the daughter of a Pastor who is dedicated to spreading Gods word, even if it sometimes calls for my uncomfortability.

Day 2- Tips to Prepare for Study Abroad

If you are reading this blog post because you are about to leave your home country to do your studies, congratulations! If you are just here to see what I am about to ramble about, you are welcome, too and I promise to not ramble….too much.

As you may know from yesterday’s blog post, in October 2017, I left my home country; Zambia, to study a Masters in Management in the United Kingdom. Through everything leading up to my departure and my experience upon arrival, I have some tips that you may find helpful.

PRIOR TO DEPARTURE

Do your research. It is so much helpful to dedicate time to researching on the country, town, university you are going to. That was really helpful for me because I was quite emotional about leaving my family behind. Knowing what was there to look forward to helped me to stay excited about the adventure ahead.  I also found it helpful to research on societies suitable for International students at your university. There should be a lot of information on that on the university website or social media accounts. Join your course group or chat on social media, you will get some helpful information from there too,  the bonus is you get to interact with them too. YouTube is also a useful source of information. If you have friends or family in that town/country or even better, university, do not be afraid to ask questions.

Make sure you plan your time in order to avoid leaving things to the last minute. Unfortunately, I didn’t do that and my last days were a hot mess. Given that it was only confirmed that I was leaving two days before I actually left, it is still no excuse as I should have strategized- uncertainty is not an excuse! Make a list of everything you need to do and plan it out making sure you avoid leaving items to the last couple of days, or even hours, before your departure.  Don’t burn bridges before you leave.  Say goodbye to your family and friends. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no new set of family or bunch of friends waiting for you at the airport in your destination country. 

Do not over pack or under pack. When I was leaving, I think I had a relapse of judgment. I left most of my clothes as if there were bags of clothes awaiting me in the arrival lounge. The other extreme is packing more than you will need. Making a list of everything you plan to pack helps you avoid that. I made the mistake of assuming that I didn’t need to carry some Zambian dry foods and cultural items. I am still here regretting that, you will definitely miss the food from back home and need to show some items that represent your culture, so don’t forget.

DAY OF DEPARTURE

Try by all means to leave this day pressure free. You don’t want to spend it running around, trust me. Leave this day for the final, simple to-do items that you were not able to do before. If all is done, spend your extra time chilling and ensuring you have not forgotten anything. Make sure you have cash on you, in a convenient currency as you do not want surprises with bank card drama. Make sure you have printed all documents you are required to show at immigration. 

I hope this was helpful to you, if you need some advice on anything to do with preparing to go abroad for studies, I am more than glad to help. I am not a guru in this area but after experiencing it, I would consider it a pleasure to help anyone navigate through it.