Who Is Your Go-To?

So...I have a confession. 

Running to God first when I need counsel or quick solutions is not always my first instinct. Let me shed more light on what Mwape in an urgent crisis looks like.

So let's imagine a random day and there is this decision that I have to make. I am aware I should talk to God about it, because I know he loves me and knows best. So I immediately decide that I will talk to God about it at night, before I go to bed, and soon after I call whoever I think will understand best and get a quick fix. 

Off the top of my head, the reasons I do this include, because I am impatient, its urgent, I just feel like I need an actual voice to tell me what to do, its also more fun to actually have a verbal exchange and who doesn’t like fun, but also in that moment I lack sense and so I think that God needs at least a few minutes to give me his answer and I just don’t have that time. Cause remember, I am in a hurry.

If I’m being honest, this doesn’t only apply to crisis’, sometimes I do this in situations that are super chilled as well as those that don't require immediate solutions. Speaking to people is on the top of my list and talking to God is somewhere close to the bottom right above the option of giving up.

I found myself worked up over a situation some days ago. My mother knew and overheard me speaking to someone over the phone about it. When I was done she said,“Mwape, you should learn to talk to God”. My quick defensive response was, “I do! I’ll speak to him once I get to bed”. She quickly corrected me and said, “He should be the first one you go to, not the last”. I knew she was right.

Fast forward to today, I am currently reading the book Secure in the Everlasting Arms by Elizabeth George. I was reading the subchapter called “A Holy Aloneness”. In this part she asks her readers if they are tempted to pick up the phone when in need of advice forgetting to seek first the living word of God or talk to him whose ear is always open to our cries? She goes on to encourage us to be patient and she asks, is God not fast enough? Is it his answers we run away from because we know that they can be tough sometimes. You know? Someone wronged you and you know the Lord’s prayer in the Bible says to forgive those who trespass against us just as he forgives us. That clearly includes the trespasses we have never received apologies for. So you’d rather call a friend who will instead tickle your ears. Or, this is the common one. You know how Matthew 18:15-17 talks about conflict resolution, how if your brother sins against you you must sit with him and show him his error. My default is to call someone and tell them about it and rarely follow it up with the person who has wronged me because the former is easier, however, if I took a moment to pray and reflect on his word, wouldn’t that scripture come to mind and the next step look different and be in line with God’s word? I know, the struggle is real. 

At times we actually succumb to seeing a counsellor when we feel we aren’t getting the answers or support we need. I remember going through heartbreak and convincing myself that I needed to see a student counsellor. It felt like a lonely season, I felt like I needed to hear something more profound. It didn’t click that my father in heaven is the wonderful counsellor (Isaiah 9:6) and my loneliness should be transformed into holy aloneness. I need to learn to sit still before the Lord. One hour in prayer may change our perception more than any earthly advice we can get. Do we have the patience to be still in prayer and sit before the Lord? 

Psalm 57:1 says “Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until disaster has passed”. Psalm 46: 1 says "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble". The two verses are a reminder of why he is the best go-to you could ever have.

Regardless of what your day to day troubles look like, I want to encourage you to make God your go-to. “In times of trouble, go not out of yourself to seek for aid; for the whole benefit of trial consists in silence, patience, rest and resignation. In this condition divine strength is found”- Miguel de Molinos.

Dear Season Graduates

Dear season graduates,

So, I graduated! If you follow my blogposts, I wrote a post about leaving to pursue my postgraduate studies in the UK. Well, that season of my life is over, God was so good and saw it fit for me to graduate. And with a distinction, it is such a huge achievement that I just had to slide that detail in somewhere. I can see you starting to yawn already, the great news is that this post isn’t about me graduating, it is about graduating from life’s different seasons. 

Basically, our lives can be broken into seasons. It is extremely important that you embrace the season you’re in; this looks like being content in it or more so enjoying it. I make this differentiation between the two because some seasons are challenging to enjoy. Some would argue that these seasons are actually impossible to enjoy. Examples include, seasons of depression, loss, sickness, failure, disappointment, or waiting. 

God is still good and he is faithful. Despite us being sinners only deserving of death (Romans 6:23), sometimes, in his wisdom, God sees it fit that we graduate from these challenging seasons with our desired outcome. Days finally start to seem brighter after weeks, months or years of grieving and mourning your loved one. Medical results start to look up after a period of illness. You finally pass after being discouraged by single or multiple attempts at a particular module. Sometime after the end of a relationship that left you heartbroken, you aren’t hurting anymore, and your heart is finally starting to smile again. Or, after months or years of desiring a relationship, marriage, finances, a job, a child, God comes through and answers your prayer. There are so many challenging seasons we experience, yours might look different. However, if you have experienced a trying time and God graciously saw you through then this post is for you.

I have been reading a book titled ‘When the bottom drops out: Finding Grace in the Depths of disappointment’ and it has really been ministering to my heart. I highly recommend this book. You know those books that have you wanting to highlight everything? Yep! It’s one of those. There’s a chapter where the author, Robert Bugh, shares his story about the death of his best friend and a year later his wife, that led him to writing the book. Challenging seasons change you and he echoed this when mentions that his perspective changed particularly with regard to him becoming compassionate for people. He says;

“…. Now, however, I am aware and care in ways I never imagined before. Your disappointments will transform you in different ways from the way I have been changed. But you will be changed.”

That part alone, spoke to me. 4 things particularly stood out for me and I’d like to share them with you:

1.     Seasonal Outcomes

When we graduate from seasons, we do not always get the desired outcome. These are the seasons you find hard to enjoy, however the secret is contentment as you go through them, more so after you graduate with the less desired outcome. However, contentment is found in Christ. God's grace that he lovingly gives to his children,  who have called upon him in true repentance and faith, is what gets us through our moments of weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). God also grants believers an understanding that ultimately we are created for God's glory, whatever he sees right to put us through is because he gets the most glory out of that situation. It is not easy, but we still rest in the fact that he loves us and means well. I just want to urge you if you are not saved to call on Jesus Christ to become your Lord and Saviour, it is only he who gives grace to joyfully endure life's seasons with their different outcomes. I recently overheard my brother say you can't enjoy pain, however, you can find joy in pain. It is only through Christ that this can happen.

2.     Transformation

Seasons transform us in different ways, regardless, there is a transformation that takes place. I have heard people excuse their behaviour by blaming their challenging seasons. I myself am probably no exception. You know the stories you hear about how someone has a reckless love life, wrecking and breaking hearts because someone disappointed them in a previous failed relationship. How a student cheats in tests and exams out of fear of failure because of the time they had to repeat a module. A troubled childhood being an excuse for living a reckless life. Discontentment and failure to view singleness as a gift from God leading us to pursuing a relationship with someone we have no business being with. There are so many examples of times our challenging seasons could transform us for the worst. It is important to pray for eyes that see that God is working things out for your good in order that the transformation that WILL take place results in you becoming a better you than you were yesterday.

3.     Awareness

Something else that happens as a result of us going through seasons of life is an awareness. Experiencing something makes it come alive, it becomes a reality. Before, circumstances seemed like a far-fetched experience, but all of a sudden you realise that it is real and others have experienced, are experiencing and will experience it. Don't waste experiences. It doesn't end with you. Not too long ago, I experienced disappointment. When I was younger, what I experienced was what I saw in movies, overheard from grown up conversations I had no business listening to and just chatted about with friends when we felt extra dramatic. Here I was experiencing it, I am now aware that this actually does happen in real life. What are you doing with your realisation that others are experiencing or will experience what you went through during your challenging season?

4.     Compassion

Robert Bugh talks about caring in ways he never imagined before. These seasons of hardship should not be an excuse for closing ourselves in. Your mind has been transformed. In Contagious Christian Living, Joel Beeke says, “if God sanctifies us, we will be most influential to others when we are most afflicted. People will watch us most closely then to see if and how faith sustains us”. You are now aware that there are others going through the same hard times you did. Your heart should break for them. What does compassion look like? Prayer and letting them know you are praying for them, checking up on them, spending time with them, finding ways in which you can be of help, encouraging them from the scriptures. It is also helpful to think of things that helped you get through your season and ways in which you wish others were there for you.

1 Corinthians 1:3b-4 reminds us that, “….. He(God) comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.” (The Message)

 In Robert Bugh’s book, he mentions that one advantage of adversity in our lives is that it enables us to encourage others in theirs. We help other struggling people realise that they are not alone, that trouble is part of God’s plan for all of us. May this be true of us. May our struggles and troubles not cause us to put ourselves at the centre of our little universe but move us to see others and offer encouragement.