Day 3- Confessions of a Pastor's Daughter

A question that follows me around quite a lot is, “How does it feel being a pastor's daughter?” I often answer by saying, “I don’t know. It’s all I know, so I have nothing much to compare it to.” In as much as there is so much truth in that, I believe I do have an idea of what my life as a ‘non-pastors’ daughter would look like.

As a young lady I have since come to understand that my father is a man who sacrifices a lot, but it is not often that one gets to know that because he does it without complaint. He is such a cheerful man to the extent that when something is bothering him, when he is tired, or unwell it is easy to tell. He is so friendly, has a great sense of humour, he is a handsome man (kudos to my mother, great taste!), he is ever so generous, wise, the best person to cook a meal for (I have cooked him uncountable meals and there has never been a day that he has not finished his serving) and he is one of my bestest friends. My father is a great man. The most gifted Preacher I know. He is a great example of a godly man. Bless his heart.

When I was born, my father was already serving as Pastor. He is dedicated to his calling as an ambassador of the gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But what did this mean for me? How did this affect my growing up?

Being a pastors daughter meant that I had to share my father with uncountable people. My father has the biggest, most welcoming heart. To the point where he just needs to chill. It’s a good thing till you wake up and realize that we are a little too many in the inner circle. If you are a fellow girl, you probably understand that every now and then it kind of makes you feel like you have no special place in his life and are just a mere person in the crowd with everyone else. 

My father has a pretty serious itinerant ministry. If you follow him on Facebook, you will see that he is almost always on his way somewhere. Growing up, I never liked having him away. I’m pretty much an adult now and I still don’t. My mother is a much bigger woman than I am, she handles his absence like a champ and I am so inspired. His ministry travels and many other callings have sometimes meant missed graduations, many nights without him home, missed birthdays and so much more.. but hey who is counting? 

For the first 19years of my life my family and I lived in the manse. This meant not as much privacy as there was a school running and church staff 5 days a week. I particularly remember the time my oldest brother and I decided to be adventurous. He knew how to drive but he hadn’t got his drivers license yet. I had to go somewhere and he decided that he would take me using mum's car. She wasn’t around. So we drove off and we were so hyped and excited. Before we knew it we were getting a call from dad’s office assistant summoning us to take the car back. So basically, the gardener ran to her to tell her we had left with mum’s car, she called mum and mum told her we didn’t have permission and she called us back home. As they say, the rest was history. Oh! The joys of living on church premises! 

To make it seem like it was such a nightmare would be unfair of me. Through my father’s ministry, both home and pulpit, I have grown spiritually. I have been blessed to be raised in a home with the Bible as my life guide. I have met amazing people of whom some have since become dear to me. There is always a theologian on call. I get free counseling from the wisest man on earth. Also, goodies when he travels!

The truth of the matter is, on this earth everything comes secondary to putting God first. The reasons why having a father for a pastor has been challenging to me is that it has taken certain comforts in this life away from me. Is sacrificing these comforts for the sake of my Savior the Lord Jesus Christ worth it? Yes. Do I wish my father was around more? Yes. Do I wish his life wasn’t so crowded? Yes. Do I wish I grew up in a fenced yard with more privacy? Yes. Often times I focus so much on what I am missing or missed out on but each time I look at the bigger picture, I am left glad to be the daughter of a Pastor who is dedicated to spreading Gods word, even if it sometimes calls for my uncomfortability.

Day 2- Tips to Prepare for Study Abroad

If you are reading this blog post because you are about to leave your home country to do your studies, congratulations! If you are just here to see what I am about to ramble about, you are welcome, too and I promise to not ramble….too much.

As you may know from yesterday’s blog post, in October 2017, I left my home country; Zambia, to study a Masters in Management in the United Kingdom. Through everything leading up to my departure and my experience upon arrival, I have some tips that you may find helpful.

PRIOR TO DEPARTURE

Do your research. It is so much helpful to dedicate time to researching on the country, town, university you are going to. That was really helpful for me because I was quite emotional about leaving my family behind. Knowing what was there to look forward to helped me to stay excited about the adventure ahead.  I also found it helpful to research on societies suitable for International students at your university. There should be a lot of information on that on the university website or social media accounts. Join your course group or chat on social media, you will get some helpful information from there too,  the bonus is you get to interact with them too. YouTube is also a useful source of information. If you have friends or family in that town/country or even better, university, do not be afraid to ask questions.

Make sure you plan your time in order to avoid leaving things to the last minute. Unfortunately, I didn’t do that and my last days were a hot mess. Given that it was only confirmed that I was leaving two days before I actually left, it is still no excuse as I should have strategized- uncertainty is not an excuse! Make a list of everything you need to do and plan it out making sure you avoid leaving items to the last couple of days, or even hours, before your departure.  Don’t burn bridges before you leave.  Say goodbye to your family and friends. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no new set of family or bunch of friends waiting for you at the airport in your destination country. 

Do not over pack or under pack. When I was leaving, I think I had a relapse of judgment. I left most of my clothes as if there were bags of clothes awaiting me in the arrival lounge. The other extreme is packing more than you will need. Making a list of everything you plan to pack helps you avoid that. I made the mistake of assuming that I didn’t need to carry some Zambian dry foods and cultural items. I am still here regretting that, you will definitely miss the food from back home and need to show some items that represent your culture, so don’t forget.

DAY OF DEPARTURE

Try by all means to leave this day pressure free. You don’t want to spend it running around, trust me. Leave this day for the final, simple to-do items that you were not able to do before. If all is done, spend your extra time chilling and ensuring you have not forgotten anything. Make sure you have cash on you, in a convenient currency as you do not want surprises with bank card drama. Make sure you have printed all documents you are required to show at immigration. 

I hope this was helpful to you, if you need some advice on anything to do with preparing to go abroad for studies, I am more than glad to help. I am not a guru in this area but after experiencing it, I would consider it a pleasure to help anyone navigate through it.

Day 1- A journey Worth Writing About

Do you remember how I was worrying about what God’s plans were for my life? Well, he came through in ways I could have never imagined. 

Let’s back up a little bit. As you may recall from one of my previous blogposts, I left my job at Ecobank and was left feeling like I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The days following that decision were hard. Oh my, this adulting business. Can you ever really be ready? I think not.

Fortunately, I was able to continue working for the Baucham’s. I am glad I got that opportunity because they were of great support during the “did I make the right decision” phase. I still never gave up on looking for opportunities to get funding to pursue my postgraduate studies. Seeing as I had been unsuccessful for almost two years, I often felt like giving up as it was very frustrating. All the form filling, essay writing, if I had a penny for every application I wrote I wouldn’t have needed a scholarship.
Enough about that. 

In April 2017, I got a job with MTN Zambia; a network providing company. I thoroughly enjoyed my job there. It wasn’t perfect, but it was so fulfilling. I was in the service centre working as sales support. It involved interacting with customers and I learnt so much. I worked hard, went above and beyond. In my 6 months there, I was employee of the month 4 months in a row and I got another award for being one of the top 2 E-learners in the whole of MTN Zambia for the month of September. Some days were stressful, some days were busy, not all days were Sundays but it was definitely an amazing learning curve. I remember how my job at the bank left me insecure- feeling like there was something wrong with me. I can’t emphasise how much it was a breath of fresh air to see myself thrive in another job.

One day in the month of May, I got a letter from Nottingham Trent University (NTU); one of the universities I had applied to, stating that my application for a 50% tuition waiver was successful. I could hardly believe my eyes. The value of the scholarship was huge, but....that meant...the amount I needed to still pay was huge too. I was excited and grateful but at the same time wondering why God gave me such an opportunity that seemed nearly impossible. 

When I got home that evening, I told my mum about it and she surprisingly seemed open to helping me with the balance that had to be paid. She told me to research further on the costs involved, and I did. I looked at accommodation costs, trying to assess how feasible it was. It was so expensive. I started looking for ways in which I can get an accommodation discount and came across a volunteer position called a Residence Assistant (RA). At NTU, if you volunteer for that role, they take 50% off your accommodation. After looking at the job description it seemed pretty perfect! I immediately applied and within the week I had secured a place in the RA team.

Y’all, the journey ahead was something else. It meant learning to trust in God. I wouldn’t say I was the best at that. Most days it felt like things were falling in place. Eventually, it became official I was going to the UK to do my postgraduate studies. Now for the visa. My application was rejected. 

I entered what felt like intense sadness. The disappointment was unexplainable. It all felt right, things were falling into place, how come it didn’t come through? I had all these questions. It was such a painful experience. I cried for about 2 days straight. While crying, being the Mwape I am, I began to prepare my new application letter, trying to stay optimistic because I had a little extra time to work on the requirements needed and then reapply. Most times it’s hard to accept Gods will for our lives when we feel we are wiser or feel we deserve better. We forget that if God ever gave us what we actually deserve we would all be dead.

After getting everything they required in order, I reapplied a few weeks later. Finally, God smiled on me. On the 2nd of October, I got my visa and had to leave 2 days after because I was already late for class by a week. 

I never imagined all those years of tirelessly applying would finally pay off. I would have never thought that I would end up in the UK a year later. Despite the multiple applications I never actually believed it would work out. It often felt like I was knocking on something that wasn’t even a door. This post barely describes the extent to which it was all a stressful process. But behind a frowning providence he does hide a smiling face.

When I left Ecobank, I thought God would punish me for leaving, especially because I was advised against it. But through it all, I was reminded that I should never put God in a box. I should never “take away” God’s attributes from him based on my present circumstances or emotions. He is merciful, he is forgiving, he is sovereign, he is faithful. God is God and he will always be. My main regret is that I didn’t seek God's face more and trust in him more through the journey that led up to me finally leaving for school. Otherwise, it was definitely a journey worth taking.

Always remember:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight” -Proverbs 3:5-7

My 30 Day Challenge!

It’s been such a while! Feels good to be back! I decided to start my very own 30 day blogging challenge. So, of late I have found myself convicted about my lack of self-discipline.

It all started when I was in a lecture a few days ago, which is a story for another day, we were all introducing ourselves and we were told to each share at least one hobby. I found myself googling “list of hobbies” because I had no idea if I had any and needed Google’s assistance figuring out if maybe some of the stuff I do count as hobbies. 

There are so many things that I enjoy doing, or have started doing hoping to get better at it but haven’t seen through. 

What haven’t I done?

• Crocheting
• Learning Spanish
• Reading
• Blogging
• Gyming
• Baking
• Name it

Unfortunately, for the last 23 years I have made myself think it’s okay to walk out on certain things when you don’t feel like doing it anymore. The end result is you sitting in a class at age 23 with no idea what your hobbies are. 

Talk about not having my life together.

So in the spirit of taking a day at a time and figured I should get back to blogging because it is something I really enjoy and I have so much to share with my readers. The next 30 days will comprise of updates on what’s been happening with me, what happened that day, and they will all end with some kind of reflection. You may be surprised how much you may be able to relate to things others go through. 

According to science, it takes 21 days to form a habit, so here’s to blogging! Let’s do this!

Please stick around, for the next 30 days, I promise you won’t regret it🙂

"God, Whats the plan?"

As some of you may remember from my previous blogpost, the plan was to go to school. I had began working on a scholarship that I was so confident would come through. I woke up Wednesday morning, picked up my phone and noticed an email from the sponsoring agency. It was an email of rejection. I had not been awarded the scholarship. This means that the school dream is officially at a stand still.

Since the day i completed my undergraduate studies, the plan has been to pursue my postgraduate studies. Its almost been 2 years. I am still not doing my postgrad. After much determination to pursue my masters, I think its time to accept that perhaps it isnt Gods plan for my life right now. But then, If it isnt, what is? What's the plan?

From way before I can even remember, I've been obsessed with knowing where I am trying to go in the next few months or atleast seeing some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. But for the 100th time, I am lost.

Today, I found myself thinking, "God, whats the plan?"- (If youre Zambian like me, its, "God, whats the plan ai?"). Like, what are you upto? I am certain he is working out something, but what is it? What do i do in the time being?

He blessed me with a job at MTN and I am thoroughly enjoying myself. It has crazy hours and some days are stressful but thank God I am enjoying it so far. On the crazy days what keeps me going is understanding that I wont be in this position for long. My thinking was previously- anyway if I dont find another job, I should be in school by latest February next year so you can hang on Mwaps. But now that I will not be in school if not for a miracle from heaven, I dont have any plan in sight motivating me to hang on just another day.

I look at people around me and all I see is people heading somewhere, blessed with opportunities left, right and centre. Ofcourse, that is contrary to the truth, there are people who are in worse positions than I am. I just subconciously choose not to see that and only see people who seemingly have it better than I do. As a result, I find myself asking God why he doesnt come through for me the way he does for others. Clearly thinking more highly of myself than I ought and implying that God owes me.

I recently heard a sermon by Voddie Baucham on prayer and it reminded me that God answers prayer in accordance with his will (1 John 5:14). I assume God ought to hear my prayer and always answer in the affirmative. But God doesnt owe me any particular answer to my prayer, neither does he exist to give me what I want. He orders things according to his will and redemptive purpose. Many things I pray for are just not in line with his will.

Tonight as I lay in my bed, i choose to understand and rest in the fact that Gods plan is for me to be here, with no knowledge what so ever of what he has in store for my future. All I can do is be faithful in my current season and choose to grow in grace through this experience and be grateful because I could have it worse and God will get the most glory out of this situation.

You may be in a similar position, I just want to encourage you to look to God through the frustrating seasons of life; the seasons of waiting. Choose gratitude as he uses this time to shape you more into his likeness because really, as a believer, thats what Gods plan is for your life.