"God, Whats the plan?"

As some of you may remember from my previous blogpost, the plan was to go to school. I had began working on a scholarship that I was so confident would come through. I woke up Wednesday morning, picked up my phone and noticed an email from the sponsoring agency. It was an email of rejection. I had not been awarded the scholarship. This means that the school dream is officially at a stand still.

Since the day i completed my undergraduate studies, the plan has been to pursue my postgraduate studies. Its almost been 2 years. I am still not doing my postgrad. After much determination to pursue my masters, I think its time to accept that perhaps it isnt Gods plan for my life right now. But then, If it isnt, what is? What's the plan?

From way before I can even remember, I've been obsessed with knowing where I am trying to go in the next few months or atleast seeing some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. But for the 100th time, I am lost.

Today, I found myself thinking, "God, whats the plan?"- (If youre Zambian like me, its, "God, whats the plan ai?"). Like, what are you upto? I am certain he is working out something, but what is it? What do i do in the time being?

He blessed me with a job at MTN and I am thoroughly enjoying myself. It has crazy hours and some days are stressful but thank God I am enjoying it so far. On the crazy days what keeps me going is understanding that I wont be in this position for long. My thinking was previously- anyway if I dont find another job, I should be in school by latest February next year so you can hang on Mwaps. But now that I will not be in school if not for a miracle from heaven, I dont have any plan in sight motivating me to hang on just another day.

I look at people around me and all I see is people heading somewhere, blessed with opportunities left, right and centre. Ofcourse, that is contrary to the truth, there are people who are in worse positions than I am. I just subconciously choose not to see that and only see people who seemingly have it better than I do. As a result, I find myself asking God why he doesnt come through for me the way he does for others. Clearly thinking more highly of myself than I ought and implying that God owes me.

I recently heard a sermon by Voddie Baucham on prayer and it reminded me that God answers prayer in accordance with his will (1 John 5:14). I assume God ought to hear my prayer and always answer in the affirmative. But God doesnt owe me any particular answer to my prayer, neither does he exist to give me what I want. He orders things according to his will and redemptive purpose. Many things I pray for are just not in line with his will.

Tonight as I lay in my bed, i choose to understand and rest in the fact that Gods plan is for me to be here, with no knowledge what so ever of what he has in store for my future. All I can do is be faithful in my current season and choose to grow in grace through this experience and be grateful because I could have it worse and God will get the most glory out of this situation.

You may be in a similar position, I just want to encourage you to look to God through the frustrating seasons of life; the seasons of waiting. Choose gratitude as he uses this time to shape you more into his likeness because really, as a believer, thats what Gods plan is for your life.